We’ve finished our color poems. The results are startling! I’ve included our revision process, but don’t stop there. Read on to see some of our selected work!
The first question my fifth graders and I asked was how do we make a great poem better?
These are a few of the ideas we discovered:
Find you best line. Make the other lines in your poem resonate with that one!
Use stronger verbs/adjectives
Choose concise words
We also decided that we could reorder stanzas in order to strengthen the depth of our poems.
Revising Poetry
While ALONE:
o Read your poem aloud
o Consider word choice
o Do your words evoke the senses or create a picture in the reader’s mind?
o Put question marks next to lines/words that you find confusing or next to problem areas (words don’t rhyme, don’t make sense, need stronger adjectives, verbs, etc.)
o Look at your stanzas
o Does each stanza meet the criteria of addressing only a single sense?
o Does each stanza include a rhyme scheme?
o Does each stanza meet the criteria for lines per stanza?
o Check your line breaks
o Do they add meaning? Can we hear your voice? Your sense of humor? Your sense of wonder? Other emotions?
o How do the lines flow? Speed up? Slow down?
o What rhythm have you created?
**NOW DO ALL OF THE ABOVE WITH A PARTNER**
If you are the listener:
o Give constructive criticism
o Be kind
o Make an effort to help the other person with his/her poem
If you are the reader
o Listen to your partner’s comments and suggestions with an open mind
o Take suggestions, but don’t feel that you have to take every suggestion that the listener makes
Take time at home in a quiet place to revise your poem. Remember: Great writers understand that their writing can always be improved. Even a great poem can grow! Masterpieces are developed over time, with effort and deep thought.
Here are a few of the masterpieces. Please Enjoy!
You may want to click on this link for the song, All the Colors, by Jamie Jones, my talented brother! http://jamiejones.bandcamp.com/track/all-the-colors
Grey is…
Grey is a cold sad color, waiting to be picked,
Grey is a soft fog that the wind has kicked,
Grey is the fuzz on top of the mold,
Grey is memory, weathered and old,
Grey is the cold sharp wind, whipping your face,
Grey is a prickly putdown with bitter disgrace,
Grey can taste smooth, soft, and sour,
Grey can taste smoky after a long, long hour,
Grey is a lonely meal, bitter and sad,
Grey is the leftover taste of despair you had,
Grey is the taste of an old wicked spell,
Grey is the taste of a story you tell.
Grey is the sound of a storm, hitting the ground,
Grey is a soft ,soft crying, a whimpering sound,
Grey is the sound of a hissing cat,
Grey is the sound of the cloud that just sat,
Grey is the sound of pounding rain,
Grey is the sound of anguish and pain.
Grey smells of the pages in a well-read book,
Grey is the smell of a mean old cook,
Grey is the smell of rich creamy sauce,
Grey smells of tree bark covered with moss,
Grey is the smell of old milk in a bowl,
Grey is the smell of the hard bitter soul.
Grey is the shingles on top of a roof,
Grey is dust exploding with a poof,
Grey is a gloomy rainy day sky,
Grey is your hand when waving goodbye,
Grey is the hanging, sad, lonely cocoon,
Grey is the craters of our great big moon.
-Lola
Blue
Blue is the waves crashing on shore,
Blue is the children’s screaming more and more,
Blue is the wind crisp and cool,
Blue is kids splashing in a pool.
Blue can be heard from all around,
Blue is sometimes not even a sound.
Blue is the smell of fresh blueberry pie,
Blue is the scent in the summer sky.
When I smell a waterfall I think of blue,
It is a refreshing smell, this is true.
Blue is a scent that is hard to explain,
Blue is the aroma in a distance rain.
Blue is the color of half of your heart,
Blue is the ribbon of first place art.
When our country salutes it’s to the red, white, and blue,
It is very exciting when I find a sparkly rock that is brand new.
On animal planet we saw a big whale,
It swam in the water and swung its big tail.
I like being happy but sometimes it’s true,
The sadness will hit it, it is called being blue.
In the snow your feet will feel blue
If you’re not wearing a shoe.
Blue is the roughness of a fin on a shark,
A blue light will make you happy when you are lost in the dark.
Blue is the flavor that you taste every day,
When you’re brushing your teeth before hitting the hay.
Blue can taste cold, sour, or sweet,
Blue moon ice cream is my favorite treat.
Forget about red, orange, or yellow,
Blue are the only berries for this fellow.
Anthony
Blue is-¶
Blue is the quiet notes of the piano
A rushing creek
A high soprano
Blue is the trickling rain on a lake
The praise I get after baking a cake
Once more I hear the sound
Of the whisper of a crying cloud
The dolphins squeaking is what I hear
Whenever I’m aware that blue is near
Blue is the friends we made when we were five
The pictures of the cloudless sky
Blue is the color of the deepest sea
The big, shiny dolphins smiling at me
Blue is looking out from the beach
And the beaming sky just too high to reach
Blue is the berries from a bush
The salty sea water that comes in with a swoosh
Blue moon ice cream with whipped cream on top
Looks like a blueberry yogurt glop
Blue is sugar sprinkled by a fairy
And a delicious, simple, single blackberry
Blue is the color of a powerful king
Or a feeble soldier standing at wing
Like every secret that’s ever been
Is one more lie, I can’t pretend
Their severed family standing by me
Is just one more heart breaking like thee
The standing creature with lifeless eyes
Is just a man with no disguise
Blue is the early morning air
The fishy lake that makes me snare
Blue is the first sign of rain
A blue iris
The smell of envy and vain
Blue can be only the freshness of the wind
It all depends what perspective you’re in
~ Skylar
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I am so proud of our kids and the work you have done with them, Claudia! The poems are moving. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful! Beyond which I am speechless.
I know Leslie, these poems and these students are truly inspiring!
These are magical. I can’t tell you what an inspiration you are to my daughter.